You make the call.
For a while Alysia’s ring tone has been the Star Wars theme. After I move out I’m changing it to the Imperial March.
And I know a lot of it is my fault, but I hate you for letting it get to the point where it cannot be salvaged. For your poor communication skills to did not let you express yourself and tell me how unhappy you were.
And fuck you for fooling me into believing I could have a good supportive relationship with someone that would be here for me when I needed her as this disease turns my life to shit.
I wish you well since it’s not going to happen for me.
Once again I’m in hell.
Welcome to my Saturday nights.
That one week after I move out on October 18th will be our sixteenth anniversary. I guess I’ll be celebrating it alone this year.
God fuck me again why don’t you.
As time passes and gets nearer to moving day things are going to become more and more difficult as I have to look around and see what I’m leaving and think about the projects we talked about and never did or the things I wanted to fix but never got to.
Before long I’ll be estranged.
Kurt Vonnegut: 16 Rules For Writing Fiction
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them — in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
9. Find a subject you care aboutand which you in your heart feel others should care about.
10. Do not ramble.
11. Keep it simple. Simplicity of language is not only reputable, but perhaps even sacred.
12. Have guts to cut. Your rule might be this: If a sentence, no matter how excellent, does not illuminate your subject in some new and useful way, scratch it out.
13. Sound like yourself. The writing style which is most natural for you is bound to echo the speech you heard when a child.
14. Say what you mean. You should avoid Picasso-style or jazz-style writing, if you have something worth saying and wish to be understood.
15. Pity the readers. Our stylistic options as writers are neither numerous nor glamorous, since our readers are bound to be such imperfect artists.
16. You choose. The most meaningful aspect of our styles, which is what we choose to write about, is utterly unlimited.
I should print this and hang it by my computer.
Shut up shut up shut up! Shut the goddamn fuck up!
The apartment will be available to me on October seventeenth. I’ll move the eighteenth. And I can finally get away from this hateful situation. I cannot get away from her soon enough.
Things are strange here. We both know and are anticipating (in a manner) the change and there is no fighting. There is a lot of resentment on my part towards her. And yet, we get along as though we were still in love and going about our normal everyday lives. Last Saturday night (and a few others recently) we went out to The Bravo Lounge, a local bar that does karaoke. We went had a few beers and she sang her requisite songs and we socialized with the other patrons and after coming back home fooled around until one of us (her) did a little coming of her own. (Sorry, just a little bragging) we get along great, no fighting, we work together around the house, she even acts like she likes me, loves me even. For all intents and purposes we are a real functional family. We even pulled one over on my mother who stayed with us for the last two days and knew nothing. Knows nothing yet. Is going to be crushed when I tell her. I don’t even want to think about how our daughter is going to take it.
We haven’t even reached that point yet and I’m already looking forward to this.